Our Journey Through IVF: Everything You Need to Know Before You Start

[00:00:07] Speaker A: Hello, hello. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to Weird World Adventures, the podcast. I'm your host, Mallory. [00:00:12] Speaker B: And I'm your host, Michael. [00:00:14] Speaker A: And we're here to show you I [00:00:15] Speaker B: started mine without laughing through it. [00:00:17] Speaker A: Wow. Well, you were like chair fart noise. You're like chair fart noise. Before we start, I can hear everything in this headphones that [00:00:27] Speaker B: I'm a professional and I treated my opener like such. [00:00:32] Speaker A: We're here. Well, you interrupted the opener. So we're here to show you just how weird this world of ours really is. [00:00:37] Speaker B: So weird. [00:00:38] Speaker A: So weird. Yeah. Today we have a rather personal, interesting journey to share with you, which I think can really help people looking to go through fertility stuff. So if you guys. What? [00:00:53] Speaker B: I could leave the closer. [00:00:56] Speaker A: We're in a great headspace. Yeah, I know. Oh, my gosh. So if you guys don't follow us on social media. We are having a baby. Yay. We're pregnant. [00:01:09] Speaker B: Whose is it? [00:01:10] Speaker A: Yours and mine. And there's no contesting it because we did ivf. [00:01:16] Speaker B: Ivf. [00:01:17] Speaker A: Ivf. That's what we're going to be talking about today. Because, to be honest, before we started the IVF process, I knew nothing about it, and there's a lot of things that I wish I knew prior to starting, and I will say when. [00:01:33] Speaker B: So this is like Weird World Adventures psa. [00:01:37] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:01:37] Speaker B: Going through fertility podcast. [00:01:40] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:01:41] Speaker B: Personal share time. [00:01:42] Speaker A: Personal share time. [00:01:43] Speaker B: Let's do it. I think it. It's good. I think it's unwarrantedly, like, not talked about, not spoken about. [00:01:53] Speaker A: It's very taboo, strangely. But I don't. I don't understand why. [00:01:57] Speaker B: Less so. [00:01:57] Speaker A: Definitely less so now. [00:01:59] Speaker B: But, yeah, I don't know why it's. [00:02:02] Speaker A: I mean, just the older generation doesn't understand. I will say, when I talked to my mom about it, her actual response was, well, can't you just get pregnant naturally? [00:02:14] Speaker B: Okay. [00:02:14] Speaker A: And it's like, well, yes. [00:02:16] Speaker B: Well, I haven't tried. [00:02:17] Speaker A: What do you think? I haven't tried. I thought of that. Why didn't I think of that? I mean, it's like the older generation is so confused, and they think it's like voodoo that you're building a baby outside in the lab. Right. They're like, oh, my God. [00:02:32] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, I will say it's pretty much like designing like my. Like a character in a video game. [00:02:38] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:02:39] Speaker B: Pick the hair color and then style. [00:02:42] Speaker A: Right. [00:02:42] Speaker B: And eyebrows and eye shape. [00:02:44] Speaker A: It's exactly what it's like. Right, Right. Exactly what it's like. [00:02:49] Speaker B: I mean, it's like when I Was making my Baldur's Gate 3 character penis [00:02:52] Speaker A: E. Penis E. Okay. Yeah, I'm glad. I'll make sure. [00:02:55] Speaker B: Just like that. I think it was just like that. [00:02:57] Speaker A: I'll make sure to tell our son. [00:02:58] Speaker B: You picked penis E. I picked penis E. I think that is the consensus. Correct. [00:03:02] Speaker A: Okay. Okay. [00:03:03] Speaker B: Okay. [00:03:05] Speaker A: So when we first started ivf, I was very lucky to get on a call with someone I went to college with that was very sweet, who had just gone through ivf. [00:03:16] Speaker B: Well, pardon my interruption. Do you want to start a little bit before that, too? Because there's stuff you do before jumping ivf. [00:03:24] Speaker A: Definitely, but I'm just. I'm just. This is leading. [00:03:27] Speaker B: Okay, okay, I'll let you. You lead at you. [00:03:29] Speaker A: She said to me here, like, I. What I wish I knew before I started is like, you have to advocate for yourself. And that's like the main through line I learned from. This is from start to finish. You have to advocate for yourself. You have to ask questions. Everyone, for some reason, just assumes you know the answers to everything. And it's. Why should you know anything at all? Right. I mean, it's things that I knew absolutely nothing about, and everybody involved, like, on the clinical side, just assumed, oh, you just know this, and then would leave out information unless you asked very specific questions. So right off the bat, like, when you first go in, when you first try, like, having. Having the right questions is really helpful and knowing what to ask and even if you don't asking anything that comes to mind is very important. And I mean, when I. When we, like, started way back, we went to the doctor and you go to the gynecologist and they're like, oh, well, you can you try for six months before they let you even proceed, like with the fertility stuff, is what she had said. [00:04:34] Speaker B: I think it might even be a year if you're younger. [00:04:37] Speaker A: Yeah. Depends on the age. [00:04:38] Speaker B: Depends on your age. It depends on the woman's age because [00:04:42] Speaker A: apparently I'm an elderly mom. Apparently my ultrasound said elderly. Continue. [00:04:53] Speaker B: I'm a sprightly youthly dad. [00:04:56] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. But you, you. There's like, you have to talk to your gynecologist first and then they'll refer you over. But there's like a certain amount of time, just that standard that they want you to try before proceeding. [00:05:13] Speaker B: That is assuming, like, their initial workup is normal. [00:05:19] Speaker A: Right. [00:05:20] Speaker B: They'll test for, like, things that can be causing. [00:05:24] Speaker A: Yes. [00:05:25] Speaker B: Like infertility. There's treatable, quote, unquote, treatable things that then, you know, correct the problem. Without doing that. [00:05:33] Speaker A: Right. But even it. It depends, I guess, what it is, because even at our gynecologist, she's like, well, we could test you for fertility stuff now, but they're just gonna redo it at Shady Grove, so. [00:05:42] Speaker B: Okay, well, that's. [00:05:43] Speaker A: It depends on what? I mean, if you don't ovulate, like, I think my friend, like, didn't ovulate. [00:05:48] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:05:48] Speaker A: Then that. That's something they know. And then it'll be like, okay, well, you can. You can go straight to this. But if you're having normal cycles and it's something else, then they, like, they'll either test you there or they'll wait and say, well, you're going to be retested anyway, so you might as well go here and then they'll test you. [00:06:05] Speaker B: Got it? Right. Right. Okay. Yeah. [00:06:07] Speaker A: So it just depends, I think, on the situation, I guess. [00:06:10] Speaker B: Talk to your gynecologist. [00:06:11] Speaker A: Yeah, talk to your gynecologist. [00:06:12] Speaker B: Yeah. Because it'll depend on your age and if you have any other, like, other health conditions that could be doing stuff. [00:06:18] Speaker A: So. [00:06:18] Speaker B: But as far as the initial, like, how long to try. But yeah, I think six months is if you're older. [00:06:24] Speaker A: Yes. [00:06:25] Speaker B: And then if you're younger, they'll just say, do a full year. [00:06:28] Speaker A: And then if you have a problem, [00:06:29] Speaker B: and then if it hasn't worked. [00:06:31] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:06:32] Speaker B: You know, with just like track, like cycle tracking. [00:06:35] Speaker A: Right. And you have to. I mean, it didn't matter to me, nor did I notice that it mattered. But they tell you to document it. So like, I went in to say, we are going to try to have a baby. So it's documented then. I don't know. I mean, I don't think it was relevant. But she told me, like, when you're ready to try. [00:06:51] Speaker B: Right. [00:06:51] Speaker A: You need to come in and tell us. So I did. And then nothing happened. And then six months later, you know, we were like, kind of moved over to the fertility clinic and. [00:07:01] Speaker B: And I tried. [00:07:02] Speaker A: Yeah. And. Wow. Yeah. [00:07:06] Speaker B: Wow. [00:07:06] Speaker A: The first thing right off the bat with the fertility clinic is they're going to do a million tests. That's where they do all the tests to start just to make sure everything's functioning okay. In that initial test evaluation, I would ask if you qualify for whatever programs they have, because they have certain programs that you can qualify for and certain ones you can't. And like, the one that saves you all the money, that's like, basically you're going to do this for six rounds until you have a baby or you get Your money back. Like, you have to meet certain qualifications. And at least. I mean, I can't say this is everybody. But for our clinic, they didn't tell you if you didn't qualify. They only told you if you qualified. And to me, that's crazy. I mean, I would want to know right off the bat. Like, I would be upset, but I wouldn't be angry at you if you said, like, you don't qualify for this. You should ask, yeah, what are the plans? What do we qualify for? Because we found out we didn't qualify for one later solely because I had low egg reserves. Like, our problem, I guess, is that my egg reserve was low, which just means we only need one, right? We only wanna have one baby. But that small factor was like, oh, you just don't fit into this mold to qualify for this, despite it working the first time we did it. But it's like, oh, you just don't fit in this. And they just didn't. They didn't communicate that. And when I found out later, because they give you the packet with everything in it. [00:08:31] Speaker B: That is the thing. They do give you the packet with everything in it. So it's almost. You're almost operating on the assumption that, well, I qualify for all this. You wouldn't give me the stuff that I don't qualify. Like, that would be crazy, right? So we were operating under the assumption everything you gave us is an option. Like, everything in this packet that you handed us is a possibility, is something we can pursue. [00:08:54] Speaker A: Right? [00:08:54] Speaker B: So we're choosing off this menu. And then when you chose off the menu, like, I'm sorry, you actually are not allowed to order the filet mignon. [00:09:02] Speaker A: Right. [00:09:03] Speaker B: And when I pointed out, you may order this. [00:09:05] Speaker A: Yeah, it's. [00:09:06] Speaker B: It's the sirloin. It's like, no, I want the filet. [00:09:09] Speaker A: I will say we had some words of that only because I was like, you know, if you had just told me, like, well, we. We tell you if you do qualify. I'm like, well, how. How messed up is that? [00:09:18] Speaker B: Like, but you didn't either, though. I mean, you just handed us a packet, right? No, one wasn't. [00:09:24] Speaker A: But I guess if we qualified, they would say, you qualify for this, so you should do this one. Like, they'd, like, sell it to you. [00:09:29] Speaker B: But the other stuff that we did qualify, they also didn't tell us because [00:09:33] Speaker A: the communication is awful in pretty much any fertility. Not that I'm. They're doing wonderful things and they're helping people have babies, but everyone I've Spoken with that has been through these situations. They just, that's their life and they just assume, you know, everything. And there are a lot of assumptions made and nobody communicates anything. [00:09:51] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, this is a tangent, but I will say, like I do a very different type of medicine, but it's very easy. You know, like the stuff that is very routine for me. It's very easy to fall into that trap of just like, well, yeah, this is just obvious. This is the thing I do every day. [00:10:11] Speaker A: Right. [00:10:11] Speaker B: So of course, like I just talk about it as if anyone is supposed to know what I'm talking about. And that's obviously not the case. You have to step back. I mean, I've gone in to do procedures on people's back, like spines, and they're terrifying. And I'm like halfway into my spiel and I'm realizing they don't understand that there's a needle going into their back. It's like, oh, okay, hold on, hold on. Sorry. Yeah. All right. I might be a little ahead of. [00:10:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:10:44] Speaker B: So. [00:10:45] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. And it's, it's. I mean, it's weird they for. So you have to give blood to do all the routine tests to start you. He gave. The guy gives like two vials of blood. [00:10:57] Speaker B: It was. Yeah. Not a lot. [00:10:58] Speaker A: I gave nine. I think it was nine. [00:11:00] Speaker B: It was a lot. [00:11:01] Speaker A: I mean, to the point where they said don't eat beforehand. And I was, I was like having a panic attack that I was going to pass out in the chair, horrified. [00:11:09] Speaker B: Spoiler alert here. It's. Every step of this process for the guy is very much better. Two miles of luck and you're not asked to do a whole lot else. [00:11:23] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. Except come in a cup, which also doesn't seem that hard. [00:11:28] Speaker B: Let's just say it. [00:11:29] Speaker A: I mean, just saying. I don't know. It was pretty tough, right? [00:11:33] Speaker B: Pretty, pretty tough. [00:11:35] Speaker A: Right. [00:11:35] Speaker B: To break up my usual routine. [00:11:37] Speaker A: Uh huh. And I had to go under [00:11:42] Speaker B: full general anesthesia and I was minimally inconvenienced. [00:11:46] Speaker A: Oh my gosh. And it was like nine vials of blood. I don't like. They also like said it at a time where I was like, this is late and I should have eaten food and I couldn't eat food. Like the whole thing was not. [00:11:58] Speaker B: It was just, it was funny because we went to the lab together to do the blood and they called us back at the same time. Like two different phlebotomists took us back at the same time and they took my D balls and I'm Just leaving. I'm like, where is she? And I'm sitting in the wing for a while before you got released back, I was like, how much did they drain from you? All of it. All of it. [00:12:19] Speaker A: And they're like, are you okay? Are you holding up all right? I know it's a lot. I'm like, well, I'm really kind of freaking out because it's a lot. And then it only gets worse with the needles. It only gets worse. The nine vials of blood was nothing. [00:12:33] Speaker B: I don't know. That was about the worst of it for me. [00:12:36] Speaker A: Yeah. And so from there, before you hop right into ivf, there's like pre stuff that they try and you know, things that people don't know is that certain plans do cover IVF or certain types of ivf. It's like, it's not uncommon. [00:12:54] Speaker B: It's also somewhat state dependent. [00:12:57] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:12:58] Speaker B: Some states. I'm not an expert on this and I don't know which states are. We're in Virginia and they do unfortunately not mandate this, but there are states that mandate health insurance cover fertility treatments. [00:13:10] Speaker A: And you need to ask your provider about that immediately. What plans are available for you based on it? Because certain insurances require you do certain things before ivf. So if they're like, we'll cover this, but you have to do six IUIs before we'll cover IVF. Like, there are requirements. So asking about what you have to do prior to that is really important. [00:13:36] Speaker B: It's also like, if you're planning to go that route kind of ahead of time. The sticker shock for this process is astonishing. [00:13:49] Speaker A: Yes. [00:13:50] Speaker B: So if you're in a situation where maybe you and your spouse both have health insurance options. [00:13:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:13:56] Speaker B: It's enough. Like if one of your plans. If like one of your employers plan would cover it and you're using the [00:14:02] Speaker A: other, go for it. [00:14:02] Speaker B: It's like actually worth it to switch probably insurance, at least for that year. Like, I mean, it is that it's [00:14:07] Speaker A: that much of a difference. [00:14:08] Speaker B: Much money. [00:14:09] Speaker A: Because I knew Lauren's. Lauren had it covered. So, like, there are situations like even here in Virginia where it can be covered depending on insurance. Yeah. [00:14:19] Speaker B: The state just doesn't mandate. There are states that require all their. Any carrier operating in the state to cover it, and some do not. So then it would be. You have to figure it out. But yeah, I mean, I think everybody knows it's extraordinarily expensive, but it is extraordinarily expensive. And if it doesn't cover, it's just all cash. Up front. [00:14:38] Speaker A: Right. It's not, you know, and they'll, they'll start it almost always like, you know, they'll give you your options and you can say what you wanted to do. And we started with the super ovulation and then that they, a lot of times they try to push an IUI with that, but we just were not having that, which I agree with [00:14:59] Speaker B: the doctor also kind of agreed when we said that because of age and just. And the low eggers are being like [00:15:08] Speaker A: the thing, the problem. [00:15:09] Speaker B: Well, this is probably right. [00:15:11] Speaker A: We tried it for three months. [00:15:12] Speaker B: IUI is intrauterine insemination and IVF is in vitro fertilization. [00:15:20] Speaker A: And so the way that would work we did basically like the IUI cycle, but without the actual insemination part. It's like a super ovulation or a hyperovulation. They would basically take over your cycle. And I would take a bunch of pills that would make me hyper ovulate prior to going to have my cycle. [00:15:44] Speaker B: You're taking basically the hormones that make you have an egg mature just during your summer, but you're taking super doses of it. So it makes a bunch of eggs mature. [00:15:54] Speaker A: Yes. And when you do ivf, it's like an overdrive where you're having dozens of eggs. [00:15:59] Speaker B: It's way more. Yeah, it's way more. [00:16:01] Speaker A: But in the hyper ovulation the goal is to have one really healthy mature egg to three eggs. And I think we had a month where we had three and a month where we had two months where we had two. We always had more than one. [00:16:13] Speaker B: You take the stuff and then they ultrasound you to see. [00:16:15] Speaker A: To see. You get like four ultrasounds over the course of a month. And the first one's like a pre checkup to make sure everything looks good on day three. So that's the. You know what, that's the other thing. I need to backtrack here. You need to ask them when you decide this is what we're going to do, what does that look like schedule wise? Because the thing that I did not know that I wish I knew. It's a very aggressive, like precise schedule. [00:16:42] Speaker B: Yes. [00:16:42] Speaker A: And they really don't work with your schedule. Like you kind of just have to be there when they tell you to be there. And it's dependent on your cycle, which is not always consistent. [00:16:53] Speaker B: So it's a lot of kind of almost last minute. Like you need to come in tomorrow, like morning. [00:16:59] Speaker A: Yeah, there's a lot of you need [00:17:00] Speaker B: to come in tomorrow morning. We checked you at 4:00pm, Tuesday and you need to be in at 8:00am Wednesday. [00:17:04] Speaker A: Yes. So really, you have to basically know the idea of what does this look like? In theory, what I would go in asking is, on what days of my cycle do you require? What? That's really important. Because then they will say, on day one, we have this. On day three, we have this. And for the hyper ovulation that we did, it was day three, day two or three, depending on like. Because they didn't usually do that for the weekend. Whatever fell in, that would be like a pre checkup. And you'd go in for a pre checkup. And then if everything looked good at the pre checkup, you would start taking the medication so that you would create a bunch of healthy, mature eggs. And for this, the goal is one to three. And then you would go in at another date that they say, okay, on day 12, I think it was. I think I had it down back then. I think it was day 12. They're like, okay, now you're gonna go in and we're gonna check. And they might go in and check and say, oh, this looks really good. You have this many eggs. You have one on this side, you have two on this side. You're gonna take your trigger shot on X day. [00:18:13] Speaker B: Right. [00:18:15] Speaker A: So that was. And then. But sometimes they weren't ready. So it'd be okay, you need to wait one more day. We're gonna have you come back tomorrow. So then it would just be a, you're gonna come back tomorrow and do it again. [00:18:26] Speaker B: Do the same thing. [00:18:27] Speaker A: You're gonna come back in two days and do it again. Okay, now it's good. You're gonna take your trigger shot on this day. [00:18:32] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:33] Speaker A: And so I think ideally the trigger shot, I think the going in was maybe day eight and the trigger shot was 12, because then it took a few days for you to ovulate. And they were trying to like, override your ovulation. I think that's what it was. And then after you ovulated, you know, they would tell you which days to have intercourse. [00:18:54] Speaker B: That's the part we messed up. [00:18:56] Speaker A: Oh. So they'd say, these are the days to have sex. And you hope that, you know, there's three eggs ovulating instead of one. So you're hopefully your chance. You're tripling your chances. And, you know, it's not actually good for people that are younger because you're more likely to have twins or triplets. But when you're older and you have, you know, not the best eggs, it's like, well, we're hoping that one of them will work. And then you just wait. You have to wait then to see if it, you know, it gets inseminated. [00:19:29] Speaker B: Yeah. Just as if it was. [00:19:30] Speaker A: As if it was a regular baby. And then if it sticks, and then you're taking the stick. [00:19:35] Speaker B: I think that's the medical. [00:19:36] Speaker A: Right. Implants. And then they're giving sticky babies. And then they give you a date to come in for a pregnancy test because they want to confirm with a blood test that you're gonna. If you're pregnant or not. And that, I mean, I liked it because it was routine. I was very frustrated the first time because no one would give me a schedule. I was like, can you just tell me what I need to do? Well, it depends on your cycle. Okay, but can you tell me which days of the cycle I need to be available for something? So I would ask. And it varies based on. But I know days two to three are the pre test. And then you come in before you ovulate to check once, maybe more. And then you take your trigger shot. And then you come in for the pregnancy test for the hyper ovulation. And something else that they. [00:20:30] Speaker B: Like I said, this is way worse on the girl's schedule. I mean, this is really. The female has to bearing the burden of this scheduling. [00:20:42] Speaker A: He never had to go in. [00:20:44] Speaker B: I show up for the intercourse. [00:20:46] Speaker A: Right. Wow. The other thing is our fertility clinic. You can't bring kids in, so they're expecting you to be available the next morning at this time. And if you have a kid, it makes it so much more challenging because then you can't have your kid coming. Which I had to do many times because it was. You just need to be here for this. And it's also. So you're taking a pill to help you hyper ovulate to create those eggs. You take the trigger shot, which releases hcg, by the way, which makes you. Makes you, you know, ovulate. [00:21:21] Speaker B: I like to give you the trigger shot. Release the eggs. [00:21:25] Speaker A: Release the egg. We did do that. [00:21:27] Speaker B: We did Clash of the Titans. [00:21:28] Speaker A: Yeah, we did that. We did actually do that. [00:21:32] Speaker B: I think it's the only way to give that trigger shot. [00:21:35] Speaker A: And then after the trigger shot, when you would be implanting, you have to take progesterone. And this progesterone, I don't know, I kind of missed it after the progesterone. But you. It was like you inserted it in your vagina and it was like a little pill that then you had to like lay flat for A while because then it would like disintegrated. It would come out of you. Like you had to wear like you're going to need to wear liners because it's gonna come out of you, man. [00:22:02] Speaker B: I signed up to do the wrong podcast. [00:22:08] Speaker A: It was awful. And you know, there's also h. What is it? The ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome. [00:22:19] Speaker B: Yes. [00:22:19] Speaker A: Yes. Okay. That's something. [00:22:21] Speaker B: This can be. [00:22:22] Speaker A: Yeah. Life threatening. [00:22:23] Speaker B: Life threatening. Yeah. [00:22:24] Speaker A: They kind of warn you that that could happen. We had a month where I'm pretty sure that was what was going on, where it was obviously not to the life threatening stage because it can be mild to life threatening. [00:22:35] Speaker B: They're looking for. That's part of what they are looking at, by the way, when they're doing all these checks. So it's not like they're unaware of that. [00:22:44] Speaker A: Right. And the first month that we did this, I was like, is this what it's gonna be like every time? It was awful. My body, the way it reacted to it, I think it was that my entire like gut swelled up. I looked several months pregnant. Several months pregnant. Everything swelled up. It hurt to move. I like moved funny one day and couldn't get out of bed. You remember that? I mean, it was that bad. It was excruciating to the point where I thought that it would just be like that every time. And it wasn't. So obviously it was like hypersimulated ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome or something like that. That was excruciatingly painful. That never happened again afterwards. It was just that first time. I reacted so badly to it and then I. I just thought it was going to be like that. And then it wasn't the next month. And I was like, oh, okay. So, you know, your body could react to it in fun ways. You just don't know. I will say they are good if you have questions and if you need to reach out. Like our clinic was very good about that. But it's just hard to know what to ask until you experience it. [00:23:55] Speaker B: Until you run up against something like, oh, what? [00:23:59] Speaker A: Something else that's really important that they don't tell you that you need to know is that your trigger shot has HCG in it. HCG is what tells you you're pregnant in pregnancy test. It's what your body makes when you're pregnant and what it measures testing for. So if you test at home to see if you're pregnant after you've had your trigger shot, it'll say that you're pregnant, even if you're not within like 10 days after, if you test too early and your body can hold it in for longer, which is why they heavily suggest not to test until after you go for your blood test, because it should completely be out by then. [00:24:40] Speaker B: Right. [00:24:41] Speaker A: But I mean, it's. It's kind of. I had a fun little experiment one month where I enjoyed taking a pregnant. I got the really cheap ones on Amazon. Right. And taking a pregnancy test every day to watch it, like, stream out. You can see it. [00:24:53] Speaker B: You can see it be like a little positive when you're obviously not yet. Like, it would be way too, way too early. It's just measuring the trigger shot, hcg, and then it fades away over a few days. [00:25:06] Speaker A: Yeah. So that's interesting, but I mean, it's rough. I mean, it's very stressful. You're injecting yourself with hormones, so you're, you know, like. Oh, yeah, you're swollen, you're bloated. The progesterone makes your boobs sore. It makes you bloated, and it is very stressful. [00:25:26] Speaker B: Even. Even. I mean, I'm not going to even pretend that it's anywhere near as stressful for the guy. Obviously it's not. It's just everything. Everything in every step of this process is orders of magnitude worse on the female. But it still. It was still very stressful. [00:25:43] Speaker A: Yes. [00:25:44] Speaker B: Because obviously you're doing. Because you want. That. [00:25:46] Speaker A: You want a positive. And it's just heartbreaking when you get a negative. Like when they have to call you and say, you know, not this month. It's. It's heartbreaking every time. And we, I mean, we. We had discussed talking about this too. You know, we even had like a miscarriage early on with it, which was also very difficult and horrible. [00:26:04] Speaker B: Yeah. That was not. [00:26:05] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:05] Speaker B: Wonderful. That was not a wonderful. [00:26:07] Speaker A: It's. It's hard. Yeah. It's hard to see it be positive and then. [00:26:12] Speaker B: Well, to be pregnant. [00:26:13] Speaker A: To be pregnant. [00:26:14] Speaker B: Yeah. And have gone through all that. [00:26:16] Speaker A: Yes. [00:26:17] Speaker B: And I mean, again, you're doing this already on the back of not getting pregnant, you know, for a year. [00:26:25] Speaker A: I mean, at this point, we. We were. Well, we waited more than six months before, like, really before. [00:26:30] Speaker B: We were probably close to a year. [00:26:32] Speaker A: We were close to a year at this point where we were just, you know, like almost exactly a year. [00:26:38] Speaker B: Right. I think. [00:26:39] Speaker A: Right. [00:26:39] Speaker B: And you feel just a way it timed out, like. [00:26:41] Speaker A: Yeah. And you feel like a. Like a test dummy or like a pin cushion at some point. And it's. And you know, your body just doesn't react well to things and it's. Yeah, it's just like, emotionally draining. It is. It is hard. So the more you can prepare yourself and again, ask exactly the days of, like, which days in my cycle do you need me for What? And then your day one is the day you start your period. So you need to know day ones. When I start my period. You need to know what days of your cycle they require you to be there and just take notes. So the second that you have your period, you can map out and plan your whole month. That's what I started doing was, okay, I know now on which days I have to go in. So as soon as I have my period, I let them know and I record my whole month in advance. And asking about your insurance and what it covers and really trying to see what you have to do to have your insurance cover it. And. [00:27:35] Speaker B: Yeah, like we said, if it can. If you can do stuff to get it covered. You want it covered. [00:27:41] Speaker A: Yes. [00:27:41] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:27:42] Speaker A: And asking them what you qualify for based on your test results. Those are like the big things early on and really just. I mean, those are the things I wish I knew. [00:27:51] Speaker B: And another thing I think is. I don't know, worth mentioning is they do all the work up to see if you, like, if there's like a. A specific thing they can identify as the cause, you know, like the reason. So they'll test the guy and the girl. You know, the guy is like a sperm count. But they'll do like the full panel of a whole bunch of stuff. But I mean, it's essentially a sperm count. [00:28:13] Speaker A: Right, Right. [00:28:15] Speaker B: But a sophisticated one, not just like a home test or whatever. And then the woman, obviously testing a whole bunch more stuff, but it can be one. It can make you just feel like there's something wrong with you, which is really, really tough. [00:28:32] Speaker A: They don't hold back from calling you old. Well, they make you feel old. [00:28:37] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:28:37] Speaker A: Yes. [00:28:39] Speaker B: But also just like, you know, having something, like, wrong. Like what's wrong. Right. Or feel. I think that's why this topic is not talked about, though, because there's like a stigma. [00:28:49] Speaker A: Yeah, not they. [00:28:50] Speaker B: I mean, just society. I think they isn't society. Yeah. [00:28:53] Speaker A: Okay. Society makes you feel old and broken. [00:28:57] Speaker B: Inadequate. [00:28:57] Speaker A: And inadequate. [00:28:58] Speaker B: But I believe the statistic is something along the lines of a third of people that go through the, like, fertility workup have what they call male factor, like it's a sperm problem. A third have female factor, which is like the low egg count or like low egg reserve. Or some other, you know, identifiable thing. And a third are just, everything's fine. Like, everything just checks out. There is just. No. [00:29:27] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:29:27] Speaker B: Which is. [00:29:28] Speaker A: We don't know. [00:29:28] Speaker B: Which is also incredibly frustrating. Right? Where you're just like, then what is? Like, so it's all just totally normal. [00:29:37] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:29:37] Speaker B: For both people. [00:29:39] Speaker A: Even the low egg reserve, they didn't make it. [00:29:40] Speaker B: They were, they were. She was very, like, it's. She was like, it's like normal, but [00:29:43] Speaker A: it's like, not that she said it was normal. [00:29:47] Speaker B: Shouldn't be a problem. Right. So it's like, okay, so then what is the problem? It's really frustrating, you know, like, it's not like you want something quote unquote wrong, but also, it's also not. It's really frustrating to like, everything should be working month after month after month, and you're just like, it's all normal. [00:30:05] Speaker A: Like, Right. Then what's the problem? [00:30:07] Speaker B: Like, the guy's sperm count's normal and tilted is normal, and the woman's lab result is normal and everything is normal. And it's a third. Yeah, it's a third of people. It's a third. Like something they identify on the guy side, a third on the girl side, and a third unknown or just no reason. [00:30:21] Speaker A: Yep. And I mean, every test I went into during the hyper ovulation, every check was, oh, you look great. Everything's normal. Everything's working exactly like it should. You created three eggs, you created two eggs. Everything's good. So I'm like, well, then what? Like, what's the holdup? Right. [00:30:37] Speaker B: It adds to the stress and letdown every month, right? [00:30:40] Speaker A: Yes. [00:30:40] Speaker B: That is the thing that is really, like I said, the guy has it way easier. But I guess the only thing that. On the guy's side, it's just like the literal cycle of hopes up, let down, hopes up, let down, hopes up, let down. [00:30:58] Speaker A: And it is devastating. [00:30:59] Speaker B: Really tough after a while. Yes, it's really tough after a while. [00:31:03] Speaker A: I'll say, too. They also, when you're, like, maturing this number of eggs and making, like, you're not making more eggs when you do IVF and you're making many, many eggs, or they're taking many eggs, you're maturing eggs. And same thing with the hyper ovulation. These are eggs that you were going to discard that month anyway. You lose so many eggs in a month. They explain this to me. And all you're doing is increasing the odds with eggs that you would have lost anyway. [00:31:32] Speaker B: Yes. [00:31:32] Speaker A: So you're not. You're not like speeding up time. [00:31:35] Speaker B: Multiple eggs. By doing that, multiple eggs are activated each cycle without just normally. But usually only one matures. That's like the actual dominant follicle that becomes the. [00:31:48] Speaker A: Yes. [00:31:49] Speaker B: And this just takes all these other ones that would have just involuted. Yeah, I believe is the actual word for that. And makes them so viable. [00:31:58] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:31:58] Speaker B: So you're not. You're not like wasting, like, rushing your egg. You know, it's like, I have a low egg reserve and I'm using them up faster. [00:32:06] Speaker A: No, it's not like that. And so then at this point, we had already gone in deciding, like, we're gonna do three months and then we're gonna move to ivf. And we had decided that, and so we went in, which I think it's [00:32:19] Speaker B: also good to have fully talked about that with your partner and have, like, a pretty good plan with your partner and the doctor. Like, it's just. You don't want. It's just there's already enough. Even if you don't feel this way at the outset, that cycle of hopes up, let down. Hopes up, let down. You don't want to be winging your decision making. Like, once you're in the midst of how bad that can feel. [00:32:44] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:32:45] Speaker B: Having already kind of your game plan and just being like, unless there's a reason to change from it. I think just having that plan in place ahead of time is worth. [00:32:55] Speaker A: And it can be so intimidating because here you are now set on a very specific schedule that you have to keep track of. And they're very aggressive about exactly which days you do what. And then it's like you're starting at ground zero with IVF because it's a totally new process. It's a totally new schedule. So when we switched to ivf, I went in with, okay, what days of my cycle do I need to be available for? What? Because they weren't going to tell me. And I'm like, now I know I need to ask you, what days do I need to be available for? What exactly? And what are we doing? And so it gets drawn out over two months, really three months, when you, like, one cycle of ivf. Because you can't have an egg retrieval and a transfer in the same month. If you're doing a frozen embryo transfer. If you're doing a fresh embryo transfer, you can. But that's like, not recommended unless you're younger because you kind of want to have the testing done to make sure that you have a healthy euploid embryo or fetus. No, embryo. [00:34:01] Speaker B: Embryo. [00:34:01] Speaker A: It's an embryo blastocyst. That's the word I was looking for. It's a blastocyst. So the egg retrieval section of it was also very stress. It was the most stressful, I think. [00:34:16] Speaker B: I don't know, Paige, with that part too. [00:34:19] Speaker A: That one? [00:34:20] Speaker B: Yeah, definitely. [00:34:21] Speaker A: You were hyped up on so many shots leading up to it. I mean, I think I took three shots a day. [00:34:29] Speaker B: Yeah. It's a. It's an aggressive amount of shots. It's. They are essentially hijacking your entire cycle. So, like your entire kind of pituitary, ovarian, like, hormonal access. They're just taking over it. [00:34:48] Speaker A: Yep. [00:34:48] Speaker B: And. And supercharging it. So. Yeah. So you're like. You're basically taking a shot to mimic each part of what your body's normal hormonal stimulation cycle is, but then also putting it times 10. [00:35:07] Speaker A: I think I had three shots a day by the end. Different timings, different times and different times. [00:35:14] Speaker B: And it's, like, pretty specific. It's not just, oh, yeah, in the morning. Yeah. [00:35:17] Speaker A: It's somewhere specifically in the morning. Some were, like, the evening. It was on a weird schedule of you have to follow exactly this. And I remember there being three different kinds. They were all pretty surface level. Right. There weren't really any intermuscular for that. The one that was like the EpiPen one comes pre. [00:35:38] Speaker B: Made in an EpiPen type deal. [00:35:42] Speaker A: Yep. [00:35:42] Speaker B: So it's just sub Q. [00:35:44] Speaker A: That one was easy. The other one we had to mix ourselves. That's the other thing. You feel like a chemist. By the time you're done with all this, you're mixing all these shots. [00:35:52] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, it's a powder. [00:35:54] Speaker A: It was a powder. And you have to take the saline solution and then mix it with the powder. And there's, like, a method to that madness. And then put it in and then change out the. There's a whole, like. I had to create a video of myself doing it so that I. I did it every time and became proactive. [00:36:12] Speaker B: You got good at it. [00:36:13] Speaker A: But. But it was not easy. It's not like a normal person mix. You do it because you're a doctor, but a normal person doesn't just mix a shot every day and have to do this. And it's very complicated. [00:36:23] Speaker B: Bunch of needle. Once you do it a few times, you'll be fine. [00:36:27] Speaker A: But. [00:36:27] Speaker B: Yeah, it's not obvious. [00:36:29] Speaker A: No. And then there was one hormone shot I had to take near the end in my stomach, and I had, like, a skin reaction. To it. [00:36:36] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:36:37] Speaker A: I. Like, every time I took it, it would get red and itchy around it. Like, my skin was like, I don't. Like, whatever this is. And I had, like, an allergic reaction to. But just, like, a surface level, so it was fine. But it was like. It was a rash. Every time I'd give myself the shot, it was awful. And all this leading up to then, you have to go under. Like, that's like an actual. [00:36:56] Speaker B: Like, for the egg retrieval. [00:36:57] Speaker A: Yes, for the egg retrieval. That is a. [00:36:59] Speaker B: It's a minor, minimally invasive surgical procedure. [00:37:03] Speaker A: Yes. And you get an anesthesiologist. And I don't. I was freaking out for that. I don't. I don't do, like, lack of control. Well. And like, for me, having procedures where I have to go to sleep, I don't know. It just disturbs me so much because I used to have, like, tons of dental surgery as a kid, and I just stayed awake the whole time with some Novocaine. [00:37:28] Speaker B: I've never been under. [00:37:30] Speaker A: It's scary. [00:37:30] Speaker B: I had my wisdom teeth pulled and was given the option to go under, and I took the. No, just drug. [00:37:36] Speaker A: See, I asked if I could not go under, and they. They said no, and they made me go to sleep. That was the other time I'd been asleep. But the. You know, there's. It's like a whole procedure. You just get to, you know, give your sperm in a cup. [00:37:52] Speaker B: I mean, I. [00:37:53] Speaker A: It's like. [00:37:54] Speaker B: I would say we were, like, equally involved at that point. Equally, right. Equally in for it. Yeah. [00:38:01] Speaker A: I will say they treated me well, and I think they saw that I was freaking out, and they're like, here, let's just drug you up already. But I went in with my sister, and the anesthesiologist came in to ask some questions about my drug and alcohol intake so she could come up with the right drug cocktail for me, as she said. And her name was Coffee. So I was already tripped out because I'm like, I'm sorry, your name is what? It was Coffee. [00:38:26] Speaker B: That's a good anesthesia. [00:38:28] Speaker A: I know. And then she's like, all right. And I think they gave me a pill as I was waiting, because I was like, not. [00:38:36] Speaker B: Hello, I'm Dr. Morphine. I'll be your anesthesiologist for the. I feel like I'm in good hands. [00:38:44] Speaker A: And they gave me a pill, I think, to start. But I will say I felt really good. I will say. I mean, we get in there, and I don't remember anything after it was Just like, oh, it's still so nice. Okay, I'm gone. [00:38:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:38:59] Speaker A: And. And ate. You know, they. They give. They make you take your trigger shot at a specific time that coincides with when your operation is going to be. So the schedule they keep is incredibly specific. [00:39:15] Speaker B: Yes. [00:39:16] Speaker A: And you don't know your time until two days before. So two days before they're calling you, saying, this is the time you're gonna take your trigger shot. Take it exactly at this time. It's in parody. [00:39:29] Speaker B: Sometime in the evening. [00:39:30] Speaker A: No, it's exactly at this time. Taking it at 8:30 and then be time for your procedure. And I mean, I, yeah, I was, I was out and I was, I was feeling good. And then. And then you're so confused when you're waking up. And apparently the girl, one of the girls that was in there with me, her name was Autumn. And she, she like, it came up later that my daughter's name was Autumn. And she was like, maybe that's why you were looking at me like I was crazy when I was talking to you. I was like, well, I don't remember that at all, but that might explain. She's like, you were looking at me like, like crazy. Yeah. [00:40:05] Speaker B: Another minor point. I know we've touched on like the finest. But another reason again to check all this is anesthesia cost. Different bills separately. [00:40:14] Speaker A: Yes. [00:40:14] Speaker B: By the way, like, these are all different. Maybe this works differently depending on the claim. But yeah, generally the anesthesiologist is their own bill. [00:40:22] Speaker A: Anesthesiologist was their own bill, as was the pharmacy. All the medications are quite expensive. They are quite expensive. And there is a lot of them. [00:40:32] Speaker B: Yes. And you're getting literal crate. Like you will have a crate delivered [00:40:38] Speaker A: to your house and you are getting them every month. You get, you get the, the hazard shot can take like, get like you [00:40:44] Speaker B: get your own sharps bin. [00:40:45] Speaker A: Yeah, Sharps bin, basically. Yeah. I mean, the whole shebang and the egg retrieval after that. If you're young and doing ivf, you might just go right into the transfer and within that same cycle, transfer over. But we did the frozen embryo transfer because they can genetically test to make sure that the baby is a Euploid, [00:41:10] Speaker B: which is normal chromosomes, normal chromosome will make up. [00:41:14] Speaker A: Yes. So you want them to be Euploid also. [00:41:20] Speaker B: Also an additional cost, by the way, [00:41:22] Speaker A: the genetic testing, also an additional cost, [00:41:24] Speaker B: I will say, of everything is worth it. Of all the sticker shock for every like piece of this. The genetic testing seemed not that much money. I'm not saying it was inexpensive. But in comparison to. [00:41:37] Speaker A: Right. [00:41:37] Speaker B: What everything costs, it just seemed like, well, of course I'm gonna do that. Like. [00:41:41] Speaker A: Right. Why would I not. [00:41:42] Speaker B: It was not like that much more at that point. [00:41:46] Speaker A: Right. [00:41:46] Speaker B: And also, it's. It's the most reassuring thing. [00:41:49] Speaker A: It's like, well, I know the child's genetically normal. [00:41:53] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:41:53] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:41:53] Speaker B: I mean, you know the gen. I mean, you know the chromosome makeup. [00:41:56] Speaker A: So you know the gender. [00:41:57] Speaker B: You can choose not to, I believe, [00:41:59] Speaker A: but you can know the gender. [00:42:01] Speaker B: They know. Yeah. It is known. [00:42:03] Speaker A: And it's. [00:42:03] Speaker B: It is known. [00:42:04] Speaker A: It's. It's very. That. That is also the numbers game. All of that is so stressful because, you know, you want to get a huge amount of eggs, and then you want. Because of the percentage of eggs that you get, a relatively small percentage wind up being, you know, viable. [00:42:24] Speaker B: The numbers are really kind of shockingly low. [00:42:28] Speaker A: And the first thing is they retrieve the eggs, and you want to know how many they retrieved then. And it's less than they probably saw inside you when you did your preschool. [00:42:38] Speaker B: Yeah. So if you had 15 eggs, they might get. [00:42:43] Speaker A: Right. So, I mean, I can use your numbers. Mine were very low, too, so it was scary. I think they wound up getting. They saw like, 10, and they wound up getting five. [00:42:53] Speaker B: Okay. [00:42:54] Speaker A: And that's like. That's like, oh, my God. There's only five chances. Right. And of those five, only a percentage get four fertilized. So of those five, three got fertilized. So then there's three that are forming into blastocyst, and you want them to make it for five days, and if they make it to five days and they kind of solidify into a blastocyst, that's what you're looking for. So of those three, we had two make it to five days, make it to five days. And of those two, one was genetically normal. [00:43:28] Speaker B: Right. [00:43:29] Speaker A: So out of, like, you know, you start with 10 inside you, and you wind up with a single one, which [00:43:36] Speaker B: is all you need. [00:43:37] Speaker A: It's all you need. And all we needed was one. And it was. But it's. But it's scary. And there's, like. [00:43:42] Speaker B: It is very. Yeah, it's very stressful. [00:43:44] Speaker A: There's, like, known percentages. So I was in the rabbit hole of, like, how many. [00:43:50] Speaker B: Please, please do yourself a favor. [00:43:53] Speaker A: Don't look it up. [00:43:53] Speaker B: Just stay off Dr. Google. Stay off even less competent Dr. Reddit. Just stay. Like, I would come home and see her on these things. [00:44:05] Speaker A: Stop. Google says that this percentage of eggs make it to this, so. [00:44:09] Speaker B: Because, like, you have a doctor you're married. Like, stay off this stuff. [00:44:16] Speaker A: But it's like. It's the stages. It's like, how many eggs do you make from the IVF cycle? How many of those were they able to safely extract? Then how many of those were able to be inseminated? Then how many of those became, you know, a blastocyst? And then how many of those made it to day five? [00:44:36] Speaker B: Yeah, I know, it's very. [00:44:37] Speaker A: Yeah, it just dwindles. And when your numbers are already kind of low, it's insanity inducing. And they're like, oh, that's a fine number. And I'm like, I don't believe you. The odds are not in my favor. Stop it. [00:44:53] Speaker B: May the odds. [00:44:56] Speaker A: But it worked. And you only need one. [00:45:00] Speaker B: Which did seem like a mantra. Everybody kept saying. [00:45:03] Speaker A: Everyone kept saying, you only need one. It's true. It is actually true in the end, you only need one. And we had our one. And they send it off to genetic testing. They freeze it. [00:45:16] Speaker B: We had to make it to the five day. And then they sent it to the genetic testing. [00:45:19] Speaker A: And one was not viable. [00:45:21] Speaker B: Was yet. [00:45:22] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. And then one is Euploid. And those. So they freeze them and they, you know, they take the sample and freeze them. [00:45:32] Speaker B: Right. [00:45:33] Speaker A: And they grade them, which is weird, but I guess it's to see how viable they are. Because if you want. You want to put in the best, right? So, yeah. So if you. If you have one that formed on day five and one that formed on day six and you can use both, you'd want to go with the day five, and you want the better grade. So, like, they kind of break down like, well, this one's better, more viable for these reasons. So you should do this one. And we had ours. He was a double A five, day five, double A. So he was the best grade he could be. I was so proud. So proud. Which. But that was my, like, little tiny egg of reassurance in, like, when they're sending it up to get it. Cause it's like, well, if he's a perfect specimen, the odds of him being euployed feel like they've gone up. Right? Yeah. [00:46:24] Speaker B: It's another waiting week. It takes weeks. [00:46:26] Speaker A: It's two weeks. So you get the grade pretty quick, and then you're waiting for two weeks. So that was my silver lining, was like, okay, well, he has a good grade. Let's hope that he's. [00:46:38] Speaker B: It's just weird to grade him. [00:46:39] Speaker A: I know. It is. [00:46:40] Speaker B: Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I get it, but it's just a weird. It's a weird idea. [00:46:43] Speaker A: They want to see them like, well formed but also starting to hatch. [00:46:47] Speaker B: Another. Another word that is odd to use for people. To me, I mean, again, I. I know this, but it's just weird to hear, like. It's weird to hear. It's weird to talk about eggs and hatching for people. [00:47:03] Speaker A: To me, the blast hatch. [00:47:06] Speaker B: Women have eggs and I guess. Yeah, I guess they hatch. But it all happens inside. You're not like. [00:47:11] Speaker A: Right. You're not seeing it. It is weird. [00:47:13] Speaker B: It's not a baby bird coming out of us. [00:47:15] Speaker A: No, it's weird. It is weird. [00:47:17] Speaker B: It's an odd conversation. [00:47:19] Speaker A: And then the soonest that you can then do your transfer after that is within the following cycle. And I think it even fell for us where it had to be three months. [00:47:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:47:31] Speaker A: Because it like fell at a weird time where they have to wait for the genetic testing to come back. Because you can't. If it's. If you don't have any viable eggs or blastocyst, you can't schedule a transfer. [00:47:42] Speaker B: Well, we should also say if you're doing the frozen transfer, it doesn't have to. It can be longer. [00:47:48] Speaker A: It can be longer. [00:47:49] Speaker B: This is how you. This would also be the process if you were going to have eggs stored. [00:47:54] Speaker A: Yes. [00:47:55] Speaker B: Like as a young. There are reasons you might want your eggs stored for future fertility. Like as a much, you know, maybe you're not looking at. But this. [00:48:03] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:48:03] Speaker B: You would do this part of the process. [00:48:05] Speaker A: Right. [00:48:06] Speaker B: So like basically everything we talked about up to now and then you would freeze them and stop until you choose or not to use them in the future. But once they're frozen, they can go a long time. [00:48:17] Speaker A: Yes. [00:48:18] Speaker B: So you don't. It wouldn't have to be that. That would be at the minimum time. [00:48:22] Speaker A: And so it took longer because the test took a while. And then when she called for the results to say he was normal, he was euploid, they say like, do you want to know the gender? And then of course you want to know the gender. And it was a boy, so it was weird to know the gender before it's even put inside people. Right. It's also really probably a bad faux pas because we already have names. Like, I'm like, you know, we really shouldn't name him before the transfer even happens. Right. [00:48:54] Speaker B: Because we had a guy and a girl name before. [00:48:57] Speaker A: Yes. [00:48:57] Speaker B: But like just. But then you just before anything. Yeah, yeah, I guess. Yeah. And then it just gets assigned the previous real name. Yeah. [00:49:03] Speaker A: And then it's like, oh, well, now it's gonna be gross that there's a. You know, it doesn't work. Right. [00:49:08] Speaker B: Which is also stressful because, like you previously said, we'd already gone through a miscarriage, which is really pretty traumatic. It's really pretty awful. I mean. [00:49:18] Speaker A: Yes. [00:49:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:49:19] Speaker A: To go through. And it might have even been two. We don't know. One of them, we just were two weeks late before we kind of started everything. [00:49:27] Speaker B: Right. [00:49:28] Speaker A: And it was like. Well, it probably. She, like, she even said the fertility [00:49:31] Speaker B: was, like, very early, but the other one was clearly. [00:49:34] Speaker A: Was Clearly. Yeah. So none of it's happy. And then, you know, there's still, at that point, 65% chance that you have a successful transfer. And that's a good number. But it's not that reassuring. [00:49:52] Speaker B: Like, it's good, but it's like, it's not so good that you're happy with that number. Right. [00:49:58] Speaker A: After all of that, like, you wouldn't [00:50:00] Speaker B: want me to say there's a 65% chance you're gonna, like, live through X procedure. Right. Like, better than. Better than the 35% alternative, I guess. But, like, you want 99. Right. You know what I'm saying? You want a big number. [00:50:15] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, it's hard when you're. [00:50:18] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:50:18] Speaker A: They say, like, oh, but it's because the grade was so high. It's really like, 70. And you're like, that's still not helpful. [00:50:25] Speaker B: Still not enough. Right. [00:50:28] Speaker A: Like, it's not enough after you've been through all. All of this. You've been through miscarriages, you've been through a year at this point, of really trying to make this happen, of injecting yourself with a bunch of stuff, of having all these hormones and then only having one viable option. Right. One egg. [00:50:46] Speaker B: Yeah. It's tough. [00:50:47] Speaker A: So hard. [00:50:48] Speaker B: It's also like, you know, I think people in general, it's. People aren't, you know, people aren't wired to do statistics. You know, like, like, you know, percent, like percentage. And statistically, that's not something that, like, we evolved to be intuitive. It's not like something you encounter like, in the wild. Right. So, I mean, this is. This is like. This is a total tangent. But this is why people get so upset with, like, say, election, like, projections. And then when it doesn't was like, well, like, Hillary was supposed to, like, had, like, a 70% chance. 1. It's like, yeah, 30% to lose. [00:51:26] Speaker A: Like, and she lost. [00:51:28] Speaker B: People have a way of rounding any, like, fifty. [00:51:32] Speaker A: One is a hundred. [00:51:33] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, to A hundred. And it's like, no, that's not how it works. Like, an 80% chance is good. Like, that sounds good. [00:51:39] Speaker A: Yeah. But that means there's 20% chance it doesn't happen. [00:51:43] Speaker B: One in five times it doesn't happen. [00:51:46] Speaker A: Yes. [00:51:47] Speaker B: And that's pretty. Not like that would happen often. Like, if. That would be, like, if you flip the coin five times one, you know, like that bad outcome happens or roll the die. One in six is a fair die. Right? [00:52:01] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:52:01] Speaker B: It's like, it's hard. It's hard. And like, so, yeah, I mean, like 80%, 70%. It's easy to, like, round that to a hundred. [00:52:12] Speaker A: But it's not. [00:52:13] Speaker B: But it's not. [00:52:13] Speaker A: And I talked to a lot of people that had been through it before, and it's hard, too, because there's so many people that, like, oh, we just wanted one and got it and it was done. Right. There's a lot of people that just. Success story. And that's great. Right. There's a lot of people who wanted multiple kids who have said to me, like, multiple people have said, well, about 50% of my transfers worked. [00:52:35] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:52:36] Speaker A: Like, one did, the next one didn't, the next one did. And then we have two kids. Right. Like it. And then, you know, the next one didn't. And then we had. So it's like, it's 50, 50, you know, for a lot of people that say they did multiples. [00:52:48] Speaker B: Right. [00:52:49] Speaker A: And then there's people that just. It didn't have any success. I think. I think I know three people that it just didn't work for. [00:52:57] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:52:58] Speaker A: So it's like that also happened. [00:53:01] Speaker B: Yes. [00:53:01] Speaker A: And it's hard to see the real stories and have the, you know, the real people in your life that, well, just didn't work for this person. So why would it work for me? [00:53:10] Speaker B: Right. [00:53:11] Speaker A: And. And again, you can never compare. But that's just. It's hard. And then when we were ready to go for the transfer again, it's another, what days of my cycle do you need me for? When do I need to be available? You also need to have that conversation on day one or even before. I think, what medication do I need and when do I order it? Because some of the medication you need almost immediately. Right. So that. So what medication do I need and when? Is another really important question you have to ask right off the bat. And I think it was extra stressful for the transfer because it was needed almost immediately in that cycle. And that the transfer meds might have been worse than the IVF like, egg retrieval meds. I honestly don't know which was worse. It was less with the shots. Yeah, but it was. It was the painful shot. [00:54:12] Speaker B: Yeah. In the booty. [00:54:13] Speaker A: In the booty they. I had to take. So I think it was just. That was just the. The estrogen pills, which was fine. I took three estrogen pills a day, and that was. That was fine. That's like, whatever, right? It was the progesterone shots. When I had to start taking the progesterone shots, those were the absolute worst shot I think I've ever taken in my life. [00:54:34] Speaker B: They're intramuscular, so they're. The longer needle. [00:54:37] Speaker A: They're long. They look like weapons. [00:54:39] Speaker B: That's why they go in the butt [00:54:41] Speaker A: and the gluteus and they. You have to, you know, alternate sides and get a butt shot every day. And it hurts. The first time we did it, my body was like, what the f is this? And. And it. And it hurt like, it. It wasn't the shot that hurt. Like, the shot part felt fine. It was like my muscle, like, broke afterwards, it was so sore. You touch me on the side, and I, like. I, like, yelled. I, like, yelled like, it hurt that bad. Like, to lightly touch it. It hurt that bad. And the whole area surrounding my butt was that sore. And I remember thinking, how am I going to do this for. I think it was 12 days before the transfer. How am I going to do this for 12 days? Or I think it was 12 days before the pregnancy test, but it was 12 days. How am I going to take this for 12 days? I mean, really, it was that painful, and it's every day. And then my body got kind of got used to whatever was going on in there, and it was. That part didn't hurt as much, but it was just. The actual shot became so much more painful as time went on. [00:55:46] Speaker B: Your butt just filled up with progesterone. [00:55:48] Speaker A: It hurts so bad. I mean, I. I didn't like needles before this, and now I feel traumatized by needles. That's how bad it hurt. And then it started spewing blood near the end. [00:56:01] Speaker B: Stopped spewing blood. [00:56:02] Speaker A: Spewing. It didn't. [00:56:03] Speaker B: I'm better at giving shots than that. I'm a highly trained medical professional. [00:56:06] Speaker A: You still squirted blood a couple times. [00:56:09] Speaker B: Your butt was just so taut. Was just so taut. With progesterone, there wasn't even, like. It was just like, you know, ready to pop. [00:56:18] Speaker A: And there were days I was out and I had to give it to myself. And that was so much worse. I don't know how people do it for themselves. I didn't think I could do it. I did wind up giving it to myself, I think. Three times. [00:56:29] Speaker B: Was it three times. [00:56:30] Speaker A: It was three times. And I also made a friend give it to me one time because I didn't want to do it. [00:56:35] Speaker B: Step up. [00:56:36] Speaker A: I did. I did. Because I. It's so. It's. It just hurts so bad. [00:56:42] Speaker B: Maybe she was really like, I never liked her anyways. [00:56:44] Speaker A: Yes. [00:56:45] Speaker B: My chance. Sticking her butt. [00:56:48] Speaker A: And, you know, we were. This is around when we were writing the secret Virginia book. So we're on these. [00:56:53] Speaker B: Thank you for doing that, by the way. [00:56:55] Speaker A: Yeah. Yes, thank you. And we were. We had dinner one night near Williamsburg in that Italian restaurant. And then we had to like, at the car, like, okay, I need you to give me this shot discreetly at the car. [00:57:07] Speaker B: Yeah, that was a bad look, like, in retrospect, because we were. We were like kind of in the dark. Yeah, it was like a kind of not well lit parking lot. And we're like pulling out like a little needle in a bag. And I was like, oh, I see what this looks like. I didn't think about it till we, like, we're well into the person's like, oh, yeah. This kind of looks like we're shooting up drugs. Right? Which I guess we are, but not the fun kind. [00:57:30] Speaker A: By the end, I just didn't care. I was in a restaurant just getting the needle ready. Like, I don't really care what this looks like anymore. I'm doing it. No manners. We're just gonna get this shot ready right here. Because I will say, I make it sounds very dramatic right now. And that's because it wasn't just 12 pages. It was supposed to be 12 days. [00:57:50] Speaker B: I was gonna say, when are you gonna drop that? [00:57:51] Speaker A: I'll drop that. And then we got pregnant. So they actually said at that point, they're like, oh, well, if you get pregnant, you have to take it through the first 10 weeks of pregnancy. And I was like, I'm sorry. [00:58:04] Speaker B: I'm sorry. [00:58:05] Speaker A: What? [00:58:05] Speaker B: What the fuck did you just say? [00:58:07] Speaker A: I'm sorry. 12 days was impossible. You just said 10 weeks. [00:58:11] Speaker B: Sorry, 10 weeks, you said. [00:58:13] Speaker A: I mean, the 12 days was in the 10 weeks, but it's still like another eight weeks. Yeah, I'm taking this for another eight weeks. Are you kidding me? [00:58:24] Speaker B: Yeah, I remember I was with you when that gonna make eye contact? Are you not gonna make eye contact with her? [00:58:34] Speaker A: Oh, my God. It was ten weeks of hell. And it only Got worse. And, I mean, at that point, I [00:58:42] Speaker B: think we really suffered together. I think it was really a joy. I think it. Us. You know, it was really us. [00:58:51] Speaker A: I was doing it for that baby [00:58:52] Speaker B: by a. M. [00:58:55] Speaker A: But. Yeah, but the transfer is also really weird. I have to go back. I just stepped back to the train because it's weird, right? So you. You also get assigned a time for that, but you have to wait till they assign the egg retrieval times, because those are so specific and whatever. And then it's way more relaxed because they were, like, 45 minutes late, and I was getting really irritated, probably because the progesterone. You know, I'm sitting in the room pre the transfer, and, like, you have to take all your clothes off, put on the gown, the whole thing, right? And I'm cold. Gave me a blanket or whatever, and. But you have to. You have to be able to. You have to pee. You go in, and they say you drink X amount of water at this time so that your bladder is full and you have to pee, right? Because they put an ultrasound up and, like, they're, like, watching it in real time on the screen while they're flooping it inside you. And they need to be able to see. And when you have a full bladder, they can see better. [00:59:51] Speaker B: Ultrasound is something I'm very well acquainted with that is very much in my purview. Explain it the p. Well, it's because it's water. And if you've ever gone into, like, a pool. Right. And spoken underwater sound transmits way better, Right. Ultrasound uses sound. So, yes, like, water or fluid makes a very good acoustic window. [01:00:18] Speaker A: So you feel really uncomfortable. [01:00:19] Speaker B: And it's the thing under your skin. So the bladder's right underneath your abdomen. So a full bladder fills up space that could have bowel. And what doesn't make a good acoustic window is gas. So they don't want your intestines in the way. So they want your bladder to be full and full of water pee so that they can see through it, because right behind your bladder is your uterus, right? So the full bladder pushes everything else out of the way, and it gives a nice, clean shot at it. [01:00:50] Speaker A: Well, the worst part is they weren't gonna tell me that until right before. Like, again, they're really bad at giving directions. And I only knew that because my sister went through it and she said, hey, just so you know, you have to. They're gonna tell you that you have to have a full bladder when you come in. So I was prepared only because of her. So Again, ask what it entails in great detail every time. Even if they don't want to tell you, make them tell you you're paying them a lot of money or your insurance is regardless, someone is. And regardless, they owe it to you. You ask whatever you want to ask. [01:01:24] Speaker B: And I'll also say, I mean I'm speaking for them but like it's not rude to ask. No, like I said earlier, it's very easy when you do X thing just in and out every day. It's not just medicine. This is just in anything. You just are an expert. Like the thing that you do, right. It's very easy to just fall into like everyone knows, everybody knows, right? Because I don't think about it. Why would I? It's very helpful to me when somebody asks me a specific question and I can make, oh, okay, I can answer your question for you. It's, it's not an inconvenience. It's actually quite useful because it's otherwise. I mean honestly, because people just don't. Healthcare is very intimidating. I mean intimidating like right. Even, even being in it. I don't like being on the other end of it. Right. And it's very easy to kind of just nod along, right. Like do you understand? And everything I'm saying, it's like uh huh, uh huh. It's like it's just nothing's like, you know, like how much of that are you absorbing? Right. And it's very hard to gauge. Like I just explained the whole X procedure, but I don't know. [01:02:27] Speaker A: Like, right. [01:02:28] Speaker B: So like if you have questions, at least I know, right? Oh, okay. Like this is like I can do something with this. It's, it's use. It's not, it is not like an inconvenience. I want to be asked questions and [01:02:41] Speaker A: concerns and anytime they would call me with like next steps, I would have my little, like my little pen and paper out and like okay, I'm taking my detailed notes and I'm going to ask 17 questions. And that's helpful for, I mean like this is a hard thing and you need to be as informed as possible. So ask anything, even if you think it's silly. I mean I regularly ask like what I should eat, what I shouldn't eat, like should we have sex? I mean those questions, like they are normal to ask even if they might not, they might feel weird. Like ask the questions and that. I mean that's just what it is. And, and for the transfer, so you go in, you have to pee. It's really Uncomfortable. And at first, I didn't feel that full, and I was like, oh, maybe this isn't that bad. And I'm right on time, and things are good, and they check before they take you back. Like, okay, it looks full, looks good. You're all good to go. And then they were behind. She's like, you know, we're a little behind, so just hold it for a bit. And if you really can't hold it anymore, we don't want you to be uncomfortable. Like, ring this bell and come get me, and I'll take you to the bathroom. And you can pee out a little bit, right? Which is just so awkward, and it's hard to stop. I feel like a pee when it's coming. I was like, I don't want to do that. [01:03:52] Speaker B: Just cut that off midstream. [01:03:54] Speaker A: It hurts. So I got to the point where I was like, I'm in pain. And I actually had to be like, I need you to let me go to the bathroom. [01:04:00] Speaker B: Ding, ding. [01:04:01] Speaker A: And she said, again, you don't know better than them. I should have listened. But she's like, here, you can pee out a half a cup. And she gives me the cup, and I'm like, well, that's a lot of pee, right? Is that gonna be a problem if I pee out a half a cup? I don't want to mess up my transfer. So I peed out, like, a quarter, right? It was. It was not enough, and I felt fine. I'm like, oh, I feel really good now. That's great. I'm good. And then I wait. Then it continued to drag on. I think I was 45 minutes late or an hour late. It was a. It was a long time of me sitting there being very grumpy because I had to pee. And then the doctor came in to just, hey, we're just gonna let you know how everything goes. And I just want to walk you through it real fast. And she's very odd and chipper and wonderful. And she's like, do you know the gender? And I was like, yeah. She's like, I do too. All of that. I was like, okay, this is great. We're afraid I really have to pee right now. And that was when I said, I don't think I peed enough before. I'm really hurting. Can I pee a little bit more? And she goes, oh, you're petite. You don't need to have that much pee. And you go pee out more. And I was like, I should have peed out what you said the first time I'M sorry. So on the way into the room. [01:05:08] Speaker B: Petite. [01:05:09] Speaker A: I'll take that comment. [01:05:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:05:11] Speaker A: And so then on the way into there, my elderly. If I get called elderly one more time. Petite and elderly. Oh, my God. And then it gets weird. So then you get in the room, [01:05:22] Speaker B: and then it gets weird. [01:05:23] Speaker A: It gets weird. Well, so they. They send you a picture of the blastocyst as it's dethawing. Like, it made it. It dethawed. It's all here and healthy. Here's a picture, which I guess that's a risk. I didn't even think about that it might not make it through the dethaw. Right. [01:05:37] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:05:38] Speaker A: Like, that's just another risk that. Thank God I didn't. That one. And then it was. It was already hatched and good to go. And then it started hatching, like, as this was going on. And so I get one picture, like, here it is right now. [01:05:50] Speaker B: An odd thing to say about a human being. [01:05:52] Speaker A: It's partially hatched. Oh, this is great. And then we go in. [01:05:56] Speaker B: Look at its beak. [01:05:59] Speaker A: And then I go in the room, and they have a giant TV screen with the blastocyst on. So here's your baby hatching on the [01:06:08] Speaker B: TV screen as humans do. [01:06:10] Speaker A: It's like, hatching, right? He's like going. She's like, that's a good sign. He's hatching right now. It's a great sign. I'm like, okay. And so they have a microscope with the blastocyst in the next room. It's projecting on the screen. And then they have the ultrasound set up and ready to go. And the whole. So there's like, the ultrasound screen, and then you're watching the baby, and then we just want you to be able to see it one more time and are you good? Okay. And then it's the same room that I had the egg retrieval in, by the way. So that makes it more nerving to me. I don't know. I'm like, I was in this room and you guys knocked me out and violated me. And so. So I'm just like this. I'm really nervous. This whole thing is weird. And then you lay back and they. They like, have. They have the ultrasound going. They take the baby out, and they put it in, like, a weird little straw thing. It's like a straw thing. A chute. [01:07:04] Speaker B: It's a pipette. Right? [01:07:05] Speaker A: A pipette. Whatever. [01:07:07] Speaker B: Straw, pipette. [01:07:08] Speaker A: I didn't see it. They're trying to describe it to me in layman's terms, and it made it worse. And More confusing. I'm sure it was a pipette. [01:07:16] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:07:16] Speaker A: And then. And then they just, like, floop. Get up inside you. She even said, I'm just gonna shoot it up in you. And I'm like, surely this is not how this works. What do you mean? You just shoot it up? [01:07:28] Speaker B: Especially after all of this. It's more sophisticated than shooting a spitball through a straw. [01:07:34] Speaker A: Nope. We're gonna shoot it up inside you. And then I think I asked, like, well, how do you know it, like, stays in, right? She's like, well, like, it can't fall out. Apparently, like, the lining of the cervix at that point. Whatever. [01:07:48] Speaker B: Like your uterus, your endometrial lining. [01:07:53] Speaker A: It's, like, thin enough for liquid to pass back through. But, like, the. But the blastocyst is big enough that it won't. So they say it can't. Like, once it's in there, it can't fall out. Because everyone's like, did it fall out? Can I move? Can I? She's like, you will have the urge to walk like a penguin afterwards. Like, waddle, but you don't need to do that. You can go about your day. And they check the pipette to make sure that it actually left it, too. They do. They said, this is routine. We have to check to make sure it left just to be sure. So they check under the microscope to make sure it's not there. And then they. They, like, use the ultrasound to, like, verify. Oh, hi. That's my alarm. [01:08:37] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [01:08:38] Speaker A: That's my. Check on the pool alarm. Yeah, so let me just turn that off. It's looking at me a long podcast, but we're almost done. Yes. So then they, like, check on the ultrasound to make sure that they can see it inside you. So you get a cute little picture that's like, here. Here's your uterus, and here's the baby. They even have a little arrow that says baby. [01:09:02] Speaker B: Yes. [01:09:03] Speaker A: There you go. You get a picture of it. [01:09:07] Speaker B: The arrow does not go inside you. That's just digital. There's not an actual arrow pointing at the baby in your uterus. [01:09:14] Speaker A: And that's it. And then you do feel like you want to walk like a penguin afterwards. [01:09:17] Speaker B: I feel like that's just your. You like penguins? [01:09:19] Speaker A: I do love penguins. Yeah. And it's weird because, like, you can just drive yourself. Say, like, all right, you're not. You're not going under. You're not getting anything. In fact, they. They deter you from taking any medication because they want you to like anything. That could. At this point, you're pregnant. At this point, you treat your body like you're pregnant. Leading up to the transfer, they're very strict. At least they were for us, on, like, what you should and shouldn't be doing and eating and treating yourself like you're pregnant. And I was. After everything we'd been through, I was like this. I need to be as, like, aggressively, aggressively committed to this as possible. I ate Mediterranean food, like, two weeks up to the transfer and the months following. I mean, just aggressive about what I should and shouldn't have and I don't know, any. Any. After you've gone through all of that, anything that could help. Why would you not just commit to it? [01:10:13] Speaker B: Anything that has no. No risk and maybe a small benefit, like eating well. Yeah, okay, whatever. Maybe it does nothing. But it's certainly not gonna hurt, right? [01:10:25] Speaker A: Well, they say no sugar. Like, there's weird things. So they'll give you a list of, like, what you should and shouldn't do around it. Well, because I was the one responsible for it. I took. I mean, the biggest thing I can say, too, that is real with all of the early pregnancy stuff is just stress. And it's such a stressful situation and a stressful time, and the worst thing you can do is stress. So after my transfer, I took off work, and I just, like, I'm gonna be in bed today, and I'll get up and move around. Because they want you to move around a little bit, too. But, like, I'm. I'm not going to worry or work or do anything like that. [01:11:00] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:11:00] Speaker A: Today. [01:11:01] Speaker B: That's fair. [01:11:01] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:11:02] Speaker B: I think having the day off for that is fair. [01:11:03] Speaker A: Yes. And really just decreasing stress, I feel like, is kind of those next couple weeks, it's like, what helped to make everything a success. And we were bad. We did check the pregnancy test before going in. You're not really supposed to do that, but unlike with the trigger shots, there's no trigger shot. So if you're getting a positive test, it's a positive test. So we had. We had some very early and aggressive positive tests. [01:11:30] Speaker B: We were, like, pretty confident. [01:11:32] Speaker A: Yeah. Going in. That this would be it. And it was. And he's been nothing but doing well and growing strong since then. [01:11:43] Speaker B: Yes. [01:11:43] Speaker A: So fingers crossed. Knock on wood. The. That's the other rabbit hole you can go down, which you shouldn't. Is they. There are sites that tell you the odds of a miscarriage. Like, it's supposed to be helpful, right. [01:11:55] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:11:56] Speaker A: They get it to cheer people up. Like, what what day of pregnancy are you at or what week? What day? And like, have you detected a heartbeat? It's like something that just makes sure the, you know. [01:12:06] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:12:06] Speaker A: It makes it shoot off the walls and even that like it's supposed to make you feel better, but I had to stop because it didn't. Because then when they say like, oh, today you're 84% likely of successful pregnancy, one in X amount. I mean, 80 is like. It's one in five, right? [01:12:23] Speaker B: Well, four. Four. [01:12:24] Speaker A: Four out of five. That's what I mean. But one in five isn't gonna make it. [01:12:27] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:12:28] Speaker A: So that, that freaked me out more than like being reassuring. Like only like one in five. [01:12:33] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:12:34] Speaker A: So. So maybe, maybe don't. So maybe don't look at that. But. But you do. They. You stay with the fertility stuff until week six of being pregnant. And it's confusing because your pregnancy like date starts at day one of your cycle. So it's also hard to. Even your transfer month is all messed up because they like kind of like they put you on birth control until a day where they say, okay, now you're not going to take birth control and you're going to do this. [01:13:06] Speaker B: They re. Hijack. [01:13:06] Speaker A: They re. Hijack your system. So I don't even know at my day one was, you know, until. Until you. You that you realize this is a. I'm this day pregnant and you kind of trace yourself back. So we like, it was hard to do the math. And then once you find out that you're pregnant at that point you're basically four weeks. So you've been pregnant. [01:13:31] Speaker B: Yeah. You're well into a pregnancy. [01:13:34] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:13:34] Speaker B: Like what would be considered a normal pregnancy. The way they're dated is the way pregnancies are dated is odd. [01:13:40] Speaker A: Yes. [01:13:41] Speaker B: Like just. [01:13:42] Speaker A: Right. Because it's not conception. It's the day of your first day of your last. The last, first day of your last period. [01:13:48] Speaker B: It's dated retrospectively. [01:13:50] Speaker A: Yes. [01:13:51] Speaker B: So when you actually know exactly the [01:13:53] Speaker A: day, [01:13:55] Speaker B: the dating system doesn't apply to that scenario. So it gets forward dated quite a bit. [01:13:59] Speaker A: It's confusing because two weeks of the pregnancy you're not pregnant at all. And then you know there's two weeks. You don't know. But it counts. But it counts. [01:14:08] Speaker B: Right. So. [01:14:09] Speaker A: And then there's two days you don't. Two weeks you don't know. [01:14:11] Speaker B: Right. [01:14:12] Speaker A: So there's two weeks you're not pregnant and then two weeks you don't know. [01:14:15] Speaker B: Right. [01:14:16] Speaker A: So by the time you're like. Like I'm pregnant. You're already at four weeks and it's like, oh, okay. And so they'll test you, you'll get your, your positive, you know, that's what you want. And then once that's positive, they make you come back three days later to make sure your HCG is. Should triple. It should triple, I think every two to three days. Or double every two, double, double every two to three days. And I, our first call was, oh, your HCG levels are really high. So. Well, no, it made me feel. I think that also means he inseminated, like, or he, he implanted. Excuse me, he implanted early. Yeah, he was sticky, extra sticky. [01:15:02] Speaker B: And it didn't, didn't fall out. [01:15:03] Speaker A: Exactly. He didn't fall out. And then, and then, you know, it looked great. All on schedule. Everything good, the next call. So then they're like, well, now you just sit pretty for two weeks until you get your ultrasound at week six. That will detect if you have a heartbeat. [01:15:20] Speaker B: Right? [01:15:21] Speaker A: And that was the hardest two weeks because now you're excited because you're pregnant. But the odds of having a miscarriage that early are so high. [01:15:32] Speaker B: And we'd already had one. [01:15:34] Speaker A: And we already had one. And again, most miscarriages at that time happen statistically because of it not being euploid. But that doesn't make you feel better, right? So you're just like this, this is, it's so uncertain. You're not, you don't really have symptoms yet. So like, you might be a little sore in your boobs, but you're not, you're not morning sick yet. You're not nauseous, you're not really having the symptoms. So it's like, is he there? Is it still there? Am I okay? Like, and, and it's not even enough time where you'd have a period again. You know, there's so many things where it's just so not reassuring. So that two week wait was awful. Before that, before then it's okay. Well now, right? And I mean, so you have your transfer. You have to wait two weeks where you don't know which is so nerve wracking. Then if you get a happy yay, then you have another two weeks of like, this is nerve wracking. Because once they detect a heartbeat, the odds are in your favor and things are mostly good. I mean, terrible things could happen, but that's like the big milestone. And so at six weeks, you go in, they check for the heartbeat. Luckily we have that, everything looked good. They, you get the first pictures of the little bloop it's not even a baby yet. It just looks like a bloop. [01:16:53] Speaker B: Like a grain of rice. [01:16:54] Speaker A: Yeah, a tiny grain of rice. And. And then you graduate out of fertility and then they schedule you. They tell you to schedule yourself rather at your OB for a 10 week. So then you have another month of just. Okay, well, they say everything's good. [01:17:13] Speaker B: Right. [01:17:13] Speaker A: We'll see the baby in a month. We're going to move on now. But. But that month is the month of. Well, now I'm throwing up, now I'm nauseous. My boobs are crazy. So you at least are reassured that you are pregnant every day because you feel that you are pregnant every day. So it become. You get into the first trimester of. Well, I think the baby's fine because I'm throwing up every five minutes. [01:17:41] Speaker B: Oh, I know. You told me that. Quite, quite frequently. [01:17:44] Speaker A: Yep, Yep, he's good. I hate throwing up more than anything. [01:17:52] Speaker B: He's doing great. He's doing great. [01:17:54] Speaker A: It was my silver lining of. Well, at least I know he's there also. I know we have to wrap this up. It's gone on forever. But I think it is very informative and you. It's things that I wish I would have known. [01:18:05] Speaker B: Sure. [01:18:05] Speaker A: Had we gone into it. [01:18:06] Speaker B: Well, that's why we did it. I know it's a deviation from, you know, penguins. [01:18:14] Speaker A: Yeah. But fertility is weird. [01:18:17] Speaker B: This process is very weird. [01:18:18] Speaker A: It's weird. It's very weird. It feels invasive. [01:18:22] Speaker B: Well, it is. [01:18:23] Speaker A: It is invasive, but it's something that I wish I would have known. [01:18:27] Speaker B: It's also very common. [01:18:31] Speaker A: Yes. [01:18:32] Speaker B: But because it's not discussed open, like openly and more so lately. But historically not that discussed. [01:18:42] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:18:42] Speaker B: You know, it feels. You feel very isolated and alone in the process. Or at least I did. [01:18:48] Speaker A: Yes. I felt very isolated. [01:18:50] Speaker B: And it's also like, this is kind of, again, a tangent. But it can also be really tough if like you have like friends and family who are just having kids, no issues. And like you're going through this because again, nobody talks about it and there's no. And if you. Again, it's one of the reasons we wanted to do this is because it like. Yeah, if you haven't gone through it, like, why would you. Of course you wouldn't know anything about the process. It would. [01:19:18] Speaker A: It's earth shattering. [01:19:19] Speaker B: It's. It's. None of it. Make like is intuitive, you know, intuitive. And none of it. It's a very weird process. The whole all is right in addition to being incredibly stressful and like repeatedly heartbreaking and all the other stuff. But it's. We. It's just weird, right? It's not. And so, yeah, if you haven't gone through it or if you don't have some like very specific reason to, you know, like a family member, someone that like did talk about it, tell you about it. Yeah. Of course you're not gonna have any idea. [01:19:47] Speaker A: Right. [01:19:47] Speaker B: But it's really tough. [01:19:49] Speaker A: It's tough. Especially when there's people around you that are saying things like, why can't you just naturally have a baby? Just completely no insight. [01:19:58] Speaker B: It's hard. I mean, it can be really hard to like be this. I mean it sounds shitty, I don't mean it to be shitty, but like it can be hard to like feel happy for like other people in your life that you want to be happy for that like are having no issues having kids, you know, like while you. Because again, this goes on for a while. Right. To get here, you're probably a year in at least. [01:20:22] Speaker A: Yes. [01:20:23] Speaker B: So like you're already exhausted from the cycles of like fail. Right. [01:20:29] Speaker A: Well, and you see people get drunk and have one night stands and it's like, why? And get pregnant, it's like, so it's just really. [01:20:34] Speaker B: And like it's already awful. And then like to like, I don't know, like, have to like fake a smile or something. You know what? I guess like, it's tough. It's real tough. [01:20:45] Speaker A: It's tough. And there's so many, there's so many things I wish I knew. And really again, what I hope you take away from it, if you have to go through this is just advocate for yourself. Ask as many questions as you can. Don't be afraid to do that. And also just to know, you know, if you're giving yourself trigger shots that it could, it could tell you that you're pregnant on a pregnancy test if you don't wait enough time. [01:21:09] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:21:10] Speaker A: So there's just things you need an [01:21:11] Speaker B: additional reason to be disappointed. Like stressed and then disappointed, you know. [01:21:16] Speaker A: Right, exactly. So you don't, you don't want to get that positive test to just find out later that it's not actually positive and. Yeah. And. But also to know that there, that there's hope. And I mean we had not great odds and we, we got it in one try for the ivf. We went through the other stuff, but then the ivf, you know, our first cycle, we, we nailed it. So. [01:21:41] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:21:42] Speaker A: So the odds, you know, you only need one. And that is true. Yes, yes, yes. [01:21:48] Speaker B: If you Only want one kid. [01:21:49] Speaker A: Exactly. [01:21:50] Speaker B: I mean, yeah. [01:21:52] Speaker A: So anyway, I know this was long. Thank you guys for listening. We just thought it would be beneficial because again, I really didn't know anything going into it and there were so many things that I wish I knew. Yeah, ask for those dates. Ask about insurance. Make sure you get your prescriptions early. Yeah, yeah. And thank you guys for tuning in. And now you know why ECADD was so hard. [01:22:17] Speaker B: That's right. She did ask the most important question. Speaking of her advocating, she asked if she could fire walk. [01:22:25] Speaker A: I did. I did. That was the fire walking story from ECAD. That's right. I went into my OB on our 10 week checkup because it was the day before I graduated from all my medication. The day before we left for ecat. That was the best gift I could have. After all, if I had to bring [01:22:41] Speaker B: those damn needles, if I had to [01:22:42] Speaker A: bring the shots to New York, it would have just been awful. So that was so exciting. And I asked my OB because I knew the fire walking party was happening, can I walk on fire? And she said, oh, my God, no. Why would you do that? [01:22:56] Speaker B: Please don't. I think. [01:22:57] Speaker A: Yeah, she said, please don't. And I said, but why? It's just my feet. And she said, but you could fall. [01:23:02] Speaker B: That's what I said. [01:23:03] Speaker A: But I really feel like that's my fault at that point. Right. I mean. [01:23:06] Speaker B: Oh, that's. [01:23:07] Speaker A: Sure. [01:23:07] Speaker B: But that doesn't make the outcome any less potentially bad. Right? [01:23:11] Speaker A: Fair. It's fair. I did lay on a bed a few years. [01:23:13] Speaker B: I've seen you fall just walking up our normal stairs. [01:23:16] Speaker A: But what if I fell off a cliff? It could happen. [01:23:19] Speaker B: Are there that many cliffs around here? [01:23:20] Speaker A: There are stairs and I could fall down the stairs. [01:23:22] Speaker B: Well, I know, but we can't. [01:23:24] Speaker A: I know. [01:23:25] Speaker B: That's a risk you have to take, I guess, but you don't have to do the fire walking. [01:23:29] Speaker A: I know. Next year I have to owe to fire walk here. All right, well, thank you guys for tuning in to this exceptionally long podcast. I hope it was beneficial for you. And even if you have no intent to do ivf, I hope it was still informative because I still think it's interesting. [01:23:46] Speaker B: We'll help you understand someone else going through it. [01:23:49] Speaker A: Agreed. [01:23:50] Speaker B: Thank you for sharing so candidly. [01:23:52] Speaker A: Of course. Thank you for sharing so candidly. [01:23:55] Speaker B: I had much less to do with it, to be honest. [01:23:58] Speaker A: I was tortured for six months. [01:24:00] Speaker B: We were tortured. [01:24:03] Speaker A: Really? More than six months? It was a long time. Yeah, it was like a year. I was tortured for so long, I had no more needles ever again. And then we go, we go to the OB for the first time for the 10 week, and they're like, we're gonna take eight vials of blood. [01:24:16] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, they did take more blood. [01:24:17] Speaker A: Are you kidding me? Yeah, I can't do it anymore, cuz every checkup you go into, you have to get blood too. My arms will never recover. But anyway, thank you guys so much for tuning in today. I'm your host, Mallory. [01:24:30] Speaker B: And I'm your host, Michael. [01:24:31] Speaker A: And until next time, everybody stay weird.